i sometimes feel that the world is conspiring on me. almost every aspect of my life, there’s something wrong. i will not say that i was never happy. maybe the thought that helped me throughout life was the thought that i don’t count heartaches or happiness as a whole. what really matters to me is that there were moments that i was happy, moments that i was lonely.
it’s been four days since i felt so sad… and again, today… i just realized that it was time to move on… that there is no hope for that particular aspect in my life, and i have to accept it already.
i know of people who are also hurting. those who are in so much pain that they wanted to inflict pain to themselves as well. i will not frown upon those people, i will not stand as a righteous bitch. mainly because i was once one of them.
i thought if i am to end my life by my own hand… if i were to die by my own terms… what would it do to my family? what would it do my children? they might even think that it’s ok to do it when the time comes that they have problems of their own…. i also thought, what’s the purpose of having a God to talk to?
with these thoughts, i made a solemn promise…
i will not inflict physical pain upon me, or my family…
all i need to do is PRAY…
