dausdos–the return of the comeback

Since i already have the results from my biopsy, pumunta kaming doctor kanina. I was ready for anything. And since i always think negatively (para pag negative nga, ready na ko… at para kung positive, happy ako), and i saw the results already, i know what he was gonna say na.

what i didn’t expect him to say was that the result now is worse than the last one. The last one said, i still have 40% of my kidneys. Now, it’s 7%. Shockingly wide difference, huh? So, mali talaga yung biopsy.

This doctor kept on apologizing coz he thought he gave me false hopes. i have to tell him it’s ok, that i just wanna start with the discussion of the treatment coz i was really ready for it. =)

so, this week, i have to go to another doctor for a minor operation for the fistula. i’m gonna have a ’suicide’ cut?! but, it’s gonna be vertical. i think it’s for the vein to pop-out like Arnold Swarsziyucky, so they can stick needles better. hahaha. i really dunno what it really is for, but here’s the picture:

di ko na lalagay yung actual pictures ng operation kasi mejo ew! hehe.

actually, gusto ko na lang nga talagang idialysis na eh… kesa ganitong naka-steroids… mas pangit ang pakiramdam… though getting stuck with 2 needles 2x a week is a bummer.

my mom felt a little better… kasi sabi nga ng doctor, i can live a normal life after i get used to the dialysis already… tsaka may night-time dialysis naman daw, and weekends… i can work na daw after mga 1 or 2 months na dialysis. that’s the idea nga daw, so i can work!

isipin mo rin no? magdialysis ka, so you can work… so you can pay for your dialysis… hehehe…

it’s a sick cycle carousel… but, hey, i’m NOT complaining. So long as i can go back to eating normally… looking normally. i’m fine.

may tumawag nga sa kin kanina eh… yung dati ko pang inapplayan na St. Bernadette’s College ba yun… i forgot… they need an English teacher daw… baka daw next sem, perhaps? hehe… sabi ko, definitely. yey!

that’s really what i’m looking forward naman talaga… teaching… so i can use what i have learned… teka, meron ba? haha… well, at least magamit ko license ko… which i have to renew na rin next year.

=========

i finished Season 2 of HOUSE M.D. yung Season 1 kasi na Disc mejo palpak, so i have to return it pa… i love the series and can’t wait for the 3rd season… Sept 5 pa pala start yun sa US… yun nga lang, pangit ng cable namin, walang Star Network… so, maghihintay na naman akong matapos ang season para makabili ng DVD? wah!!!

i’ve been tagged… and wouldn’t you know, it’s all about books… ang hirap nito… pero halos pareho lang kami ng sagot…

One book that changed your life.

talaga bang one lang? hay… hirap… i cannot say that it changed my life… but it made me think, more than any book ever did, i guess. Angels and Demons, by Dan Brown.

One book that I read more than once.

Hala, di ko talaga kayang sagutin ng isang libro lang… Yun din, pati ang Da Vinci Code. Harry Potter Series, 1-6. Little Prince, The Alchemist, 5 People You Meet in Heaven, Sophie’s World (i read this one twice). Yung iba, i might have read, 3 or more. Marami pa, di ko lang maalala.

One book you would want on a desert island.

a thick one! haha. Something i have not read. Something like HOW TO LIVE IN A DESERT ISLAND. haha.

One book that made you laugh.

probably a joke book that i dunno the title. i hardly ever got to read funny novels. or i just can’t remember. masyadong nangangalawang na utak ko since i got sick, pasensya.

One book that made you cry.

The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. It made me think of my son.

One book that you wish had been written.

mejo di ko magets to… by me? i’ll just surprise you one day. haha. if it’s a book that should’ve been written by anyone, hm… Answers To Every Question? That’ll be mighty helpful.

One book that you wish had never been written.

ay wag.. mas maraming libro, mas masaya… kanya-kanyang trip.. pero ako rin, di ako nagbabasa ng tagalog romance novels.

One book you are currently reading.

wala sa ngayon…

One book you have been meaning to read.

marami pa akong dapat basahin… as in! currently on the list is Foucault’s Pendulum and In The Name of the Rose ni Umberto Eco. Pinabili ko pa ito sa Tate sa tatay ko. Malamang maumpisahan ko yun sometime soon. Pag nagda-dialysis na ko.

thanks to Kendi for the tag. Di na ko magta-tag ng ibang tao… kung sino na lang gustong sumagot.. hehe… kasi yung mga kakilala kong iba, parang di mahilig magbasa eh… so, just suprise me… =)

i’ve been tagged… and wouldn’t you know, it’s all about books… ang hirap nito… pero halos pareho lang kami ng sagot…

One book that changed your life.

talaga bang one lang? hay… hirap… i cannot say that it changed my life… but it made me think, more than any book ever did, i guess. Angels and Demons, by Dan Brown.

One book that I read more than once.

Hala, di ko talaga kayang sagutin ng isang libro lang… Yun din, pati ang Da Vinci Code. Harry Potter Series, 1-6. Little Prince, The Alchemist, 5 People You Meet in Heaven, Sophie’s World (i read this one twice). Yung iba, i might have read, 3 or more. Marami pa, di ko lang maalala.

One book you would want on a desert island.

a thick one! haha. Something i have not read. Something like HOW TO LIVE IN A DESERT ISLAND. haha.

One book that made you laugh.

probably a joke book that i dunno the title. i hardly ever got to read funny novels. or i just can’t remember. masyadong nangangalawang na utak ko since i got sick, pasensya.

One book that made you cry.

The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. It made me think of my son.

One book that you wish had been written.

mejo di ko magets to… by me? i’ll just surprise you one day. haha. if it’s a book that should’ve been written by anyone, hm… Answers To Every Question? That’ll be mighty helpful.

One book that you wish had never been written.

ay wag.. mas maraming libro, mas masaya… kanya-kanyang trip.. pero ako rin, di ako nagbabasa ng tagalog romance novels.

One book you are currently reading.

wala sa ngayon…

One book you have been meaning to read.

marami pa akong dapat basahin… as in! currently on the list is Foucault’s Pendulum and In The Name of the Rose ni Umberto Eco. Pinabili ko pa ito sa Tate sa tatay ko. Malamang maumpisahan ko yun sometime soon. Pag nagda-dialysis na ko.

thanks to Kendi for the tag. Di na ko magta-tag ng ibang tao… kung sino na lang gustong sumagot.. hehe… kasi yung mga kakilala kong iba, parang di mahilig magbasa eh… so, just suprise me… =)

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don’t take “no” for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET-THEIR WORTH.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you, as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”.

A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think, “it will get better.”

You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if
he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships… there is nothing cute about baggage…
deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes…when men always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.*

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)…

You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices and to prepare herself.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you, as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”.

A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think, “it will get better.”

You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if
he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships… there is nothing cute about baggage…
deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes…when men always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.*

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)…

You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices and to prepare herself.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them

mejo ok ang pakiramdam ko yesterday kasi konti lang dosage ko ng steroids.. to make me feel better, i painted my nails pink… hehe… it looks good actually, coz para akong pumuti…

tapos since my mom is so sad since i got sick… mejo nawiwindang talaga ito… as in!!! nagbago lahat sa kanya, pati ata pagiisip nito eh… para ding naka-steroids… biruin niyong magparenovate ng bahay, nakakuha lang ng onting pera… at ang pintura, lime green at peach… hanep. tapos di makapagtrabaho, ang daming reklamo… para daw siyang nawawala sa sarili…

sabi ko nga, wag na niyang galawin ang kwarto ko at baka gawing kulay jebs or something. pagpasensyahan, nagugulumihanan eh… ako na nga dahilan. lintek na nephritis to.

isang sakit, magbabago ang lahat.

eh di niyaya ko na lang lumabas… sabi baka daw mapagod ako, achuchuchu… sabi ko, hinde, sabi ko alika, hanapin mong sarili mo… mag-shopping tayo… nyahahaha…

so nagpunta kami sa makati, at nakapagpabili ako sa kanya ng stuff… kalandian stuff ba… dalawang tsinelas, isang green at isang silber! syempre may i buy din akong silber na belt… o san ka pa… sayang at walang mumurahing bag na silber… (kuripot po ako at di nabili ng branded) nyahaha… tapos accessories na syang aking weakness (2 tribal necklace yung isa pagong, silver and white bracelet with matching drop earrings, pearl earrings, aquamarine ring na promo ng SM binili ko din kasi birthstone ko siya)… tapos Pilates video na kelangan ko daw gawin… o sya, sige, itry natin…

imbyerna nga si mader kasi may i wait kami sa pamangkin kong si Aileen sa mall at gusto daw magpabili ng rubber shoes… lintek, gusto pa daw Skechers… eh sus, daming imitation nun sa Baclaran… kainis ng bumili ng original ngayon… yung tsinelas ko ngang dalawa, ang ganda na, 300+ lang nagastos ko eh… mga kabataan talaga ngayon…

at ang siste, hindi dumating ang lokaret… 2 oras nasayang sa paghihintay namin dun, sana nakabuy pa kong damit or whatever…

(sabi ni Aileen, hindi daw siya nagpapabuy kay mader ng Skechers, sa tatay daw niya sya nagpapabili… at ang tatay niya naman, sa nanay ko na lang pinabibili… at ang gusto pa ng tatay niya, pagawa daw pc nila… humihingi ng 8T… eh binayaran ng nga ng nanay ko yung telepono nilang 2700… at ang sabi daw ng anak niya, ang swerte ko naman daw at si mader ang nanay ko at pinagsha-shopping ako… hm… talaga lang huh? i smell some jealousy… again! eh sila na lang kaya magkasakit, pakshet! hay… sorry, Lord… i cannot control myself… wag na kasing mainggit sana, di ba? di naman ako nagpabili ng Skechers eh… wala pa nga atang 1T pinabili ko… naman! tsaka pinaghahandaan ang dialysis no… di dapat magwaldas ng pera… note to self dapat din yan.)

parang gusto kong magminiskirt ulit.. kasi parang himala na mejo gumaganda legs ko ngayon eh… since pumayat siya, parang di mashadong kapansin-pansin ang mga peleges ko ah… sabi nga ng nanay ko… napansin niya rin… oh yes… sana di na siya tumaba ulit.. hahaha… ang pants ko nga na masisikip, maluwag na… breathable. hehe… sayang at pinamigay ko na ang aking mga miniskirts… punta tayong UK. hehe.

ay tink, dahil ito sa kaka-lotion… oh yes.. di po ako vain na tao, ask anyone… ako po ay isang tamad na nilalang at ang tanging luho sa katawan ay magtoothbrush at mag-floss.

ngayon, para akong adik sa lotion… kung pwedeng minu-minuto akong maglotion gagawin ko… mula leeg hanggang paa… pati na rin alcohol… paglinis ng tenga… ang pagf-floss ng ipen… at maghugas ng ***eeep*** grabe… ako’y isang OC sa aking katawan ngayon… at hindi ko po alam kung bakit… epekto ng steroids?! malamang!!!

pati pagsusulat nga dito sa blag ko, iba na eh… adik mode!

parang excited na lang akong magpa-dialysis, kesa ganito… *wakokoko*

==================

kanina, pumunta na kami ng MMC para kunin ang request for biopsy slides… nakapagpacheck-up na rin nanay ko… at ako na rin… may blood tests ako bukas, kasi 10 hour fasting daw dapat.. so babalik ako dun tomorrow… bukas ng hapon ko na rin daw makukuha ang slides.. sana mejo maaga kasi dadalhin ko na ito sa NKI dapat, para matapos na rin ang lahat… para kung ida-dialysis, maumpisahan na at ayoko na ng ganitong steroids… pramis… parang mas gusto ko pang madialysis na lang kesa adik mode ever…

tapos nun parang nagke-crave ako sa pancit at siya namang granted agad ng nanay ko, with matching sinigang na ulo ng isda sa foodcourt sa Landmark… andami ko kayang nakain, kaya sabi ko ngayon gabi, oatmeal lang ako…

nakabuy din akong face powder kasi ubos na powder ko… pati nga eyelash curler, bumili ako… sabi ng nanay ko, bakit ang arte mo ngayon? sabi ko, eh pano, ang pangit ko na nga, lalo pa ba akong magpapapangit?

gamit-gamit ko na nga ang aking silber stuff kanina eh… hehe… ang arte ko. para feeling great kahit para akong walking zombie kanina… antok na antok ako, grabe… kaya niyaya ko ng umuwi ang nanay ko kasi feeling ko any monument babagsak ako sa antok…

pagdating ko sa bahay… PLAKDATION!!! walang bihis-bihis ito… wala ngang bedsheet yung kama eh, kasi tinanggal ko nung umaga pinalabhan ko… pag-gising ko, alas kwatro na… tamang-tama dumating na nanay ko from the drugstore at magtutusok na akong Recormon sa tsan…

at eto na nga, nag-blag muna ako… at sinagot ilang email na meron ako…

weniwei… sana maging ok na ang lahat… andami-dami kong gustong sabihin na matino, pero something’s holding me back… tsaka na pag magaling na pati utak ko… hehe…

mejo ok ang pakiramdam ko yesterday kasi konti lang dosage ko ng steroids.. to make me feel better, i painted my nails pink… hehe… it looks good actually, coz para akong pumuti…

tapos since my mom is so sad since i got sick… mejo nawiwindang talaga ito… as in!!! nagbago lahat sa kanya, pati ata pagiisip nito eh… para ding naka-steroids… biruin niyong magparenovate ng bahay, nakakuha lang ng onting pera… at ang pintura, lime green at peach… hanep. tapos di makapagtrabaho, ang daming reklamo… para daw siyang nawawala sa sarili…

sabi ko nga, wag na niyang galawin ang kwarto ko at baka gawing kulay jebs or something. pagpasensyahan, nagugulumihanan eh… ako na nga dahilan. lintek na nephritis to.

isang sakit, magbabago ang lahat.

eh di niyaya ko na lang lumabas… sabi baka daw mapagod ako, achuchuchu… sabi ko, hinde, sabi ko alika, hanapin mong sarili mo… mag-shopping tayo… nyahahaha…

so nagpunta kami sa makati, at nakapagpabili ako sa kanya ng stuff… kalandian stuff ba… dalawang tsinelas, isang green at isang silber! syempre may i buy din akong silber na belt… o san ka pa… sayang at walang mumurahing bag na silber… (kuripot po ako at di nabili ng branded) nyahaha… tapos accessories na syang aking weakness (2 tribal necklace yung isa pagong, silver and white bracelet with matching drop earrings, pearl earrings, aquamarine ring na promo ng SM binili ko din kasi birthstone ko siya)… tapos Pilates video na kelangan ko daw gawin… o sya, sige, itry natin…

imbyerna nga si mader kasi may i wait kami sa pamangkin kong si Aileen sa mall at gusto daw magpabili ng rubber shoes… lintek, gusto pa daw Skechers… eh sus, daming imitation nun sa Baclaran… kainis ng bumili ng original ngayon… yung tsinelas ko ngang dalawa, ang ganda na, 300+ lang nagastos ko eh… mga kabataan talaga ngayon…

at ang siste, hindi dumating ang lokaret… 2 oras nasayang sa paghihintay namin dun, sana nakabuy pa kong damit or whatever…

(sabi ni Aileen, hindi daw siya nagpapabuy kay mader ng Skechers, sa tatay daw niya sya nagpapabili… at ang tatay niya naman, sa nanay ko na lang pinabibili… at ang gusto pa ng tatay niya, pagawa daw pc nila… humihingi ng 8T… eh binayaran ng nga ng nanay ko yung telepono nilang 2700… at ang sabi daw ng anak niya, ang swerte ko naman daw at si mader ang nanay ko at pinagsha-shopping ako… hm… talaga lang huh? i smell some jealousy… again! eh sila na lang kaya magkasakit, pakshet! hay… sorry, Lord… i cannot control myself… wag na kasing mainggit sana, di ba? di naman ako nagpabili ng Skechers eh… wala pa nga atang 1T pinabili ko… naman! tsaka pinaghahandaan ang dialysis no… di dapat magwaldas ng pera… note to self dapat din yan.)

parang gusto kong magminiskirt ulit.. kasi parang himala na mejo gumaganda legs ko ngayon eh… since pumayat siya, parang di mashadong kapansin-pansin ang mga peleges ko ah… sabi nga ng nanay ko… napansin niya rin… oh yes… sana di na siya tumaba ulit.. hahaha… ang pants ko nga na masisikip, maluwag na… breathable. hehe… sayang at pinamigay ko na ang aking mga miniskirts… punta tayong UK. hehe.

ay tink, dahil ito sa kaka-lotion… oh yes.. di po ako vain na tao, ask anyone… ako po ay isang tamad na nilalang at ang tanging luho sa katawan ay magtoothbrush at mag-floss.

ngayon, para akong adik sa lotion… kung pwedeng minu-minuto akong maglotion gagawin ko… mula leeg hanggang paa… pati na rin alcohol… paglinis ng tenga… ang pagf-floss ng ipen… at maghugas ng ***eeep*** grabe… ako’y isang OC sa aking katawan ngayon… at hindi ko po alam kung bakit… epekto ng steroids?! malamang!!!

pati pagsusulat nga dito sa blag ko, iba na eh… adik mode!

parang excited na lang akong magpa-dialysis, kesa ganito… *wakokoko*

==================

kanina, pumunta na kami ng MMC para kunin ang request for biopsy slides… nakapagpacheck-up na rin nanay ko… at ako na rin… may blood tests ako bukas, kasi 10 hour fasting daw dapat.. so babalik ako dun tomorrow… bukas ng hapon ko na rin daw makukuha ang slides.. sana mejo maaga kasi dadalhin ko na ito sa NKI dapat, para matapos na rin ang lahat… para kung ida-dialysis, maumpisahan na at ayoko na ng ganitong steroids… pramis… parang mas gusto ko pang madialysis na lang kesa adik mode ever…

tapos nun parang nagke-crave ako sa pancit at siya namang granted agad ng nanay ko, with matching sinigang na ulo ng isda sa foodcourt sa Landmark… andami ko kayang nakain, kaya sabi ko ngayon gabi, oatmeal lang ako…

nakabuy din akong face powder kasi ubos na powder ko… pati nga eyelash curler, bumili ako… sabi ng nanay ko, bakit ang arte mo ngayon? sabi ko, eh pano, ang pangit ko na nga, lalo pa ba akong magpapapangit?

gamit-gamit ko na nga ang aking silber stuff kanina eh… hehe… ang arte ko. para feeling great kahit para akong walking zombie kanina… antok na antok ako, grabe… kaya niyaya ko ng umuwi ang nanay ko kasi feeling ko any monument babagsak ako sa antok…

pagdating ko sa bahay… PLAKDATION!!! walang bihis-bihis ito… wala ngang bedsheet yung kama eh, kasi tinanggal ko nung umaga pinalabhan ko… pag-gising ko, alas kwatro na… tamang-tama dumating na nanay ko from the drugstore at magtutusok na akong Recormon sa tsan…

at eto na nga, nag-blag muna ako… at sinagot ilang email na meron ako…

weniwei… sana maging ok na ang lahat… andami-dami kong gustong sabihin na matino, pero something’s holding me back… tsaka na pag magaling na pati utak ko… hehe…

A group of working adults got together to visit their former university professor. The professor was pleased to see them, and after the students’ chats about the old days and reminiscing was over, their conversation turned into complaints about their stresses in work and life.

The professor said nothing, he just smiled and went in his kitchen and brought back an assortment of cups on a tray – some were fine porcelain, some plastic, some glass, some plain-looking and some rather expensive and exquisite. He then asked if his former students were thirsty, and > offered them the cups to get iced water for themselves.

When each student had a cup in hand, filled with iced water, the professor spoke: “If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups have been taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ordinary ones on the tray. While it is usual that you will only want the best for yourselves, that is the main source of your problems and stress…

What all you really wanted was water, not the cup – but you unconsciously went for the better looking cups.”

A silence followed, as the students digested this. The professor continued, “This is just like in life….If Life is water, then your jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are merely tools to hold and maintain life, but they will hardly change the intrinsic quality of Life. If we focus only on the cup, then we won’t have time to taste and enjoy the water in it!”

“And also remember this: A RICH person is one who has a lot, while a HAPPY person is one who does not want a lot….The choice of which type of person you want to be is your own.”

And the students thus got their most important lesson in life from their wise old teacher.

i composed a blog post last night but forgot to save it, and now, i dunno if i wanna post it pa.. hm… let’s just start and see..

we decided to get a second opinion from a respected and known doctor that my cousin referred to us at the Manila Doctors Hospital. He is also a consultant in PGH.. the main reason we went there is of monetary value. Since I already ran out of medical insurance and my doctor wanted me confined every other month for medication, we have to do it in a government hospital.

when i saw the doctor, i knew i’m gonna like him, and like him, i did.

He’s no fuss. Patay kung patay. To cut the long story short (because it was tooooo long, with graphs and all…)

Bottom line is, based on the lab tests only, he can buy me 3 to 5 more years without dialysis… but based on the biopsy, he can only buy me 3 months time without dialysis… and why would he make me suffer from taking steroids when he knows that? Steroids have too much side effects, he said.

But he was shocked at this biopsy report, coz according to it, the pathologist saw 13 ‘cells’… 10 are dead… 3 are dying… the question is, how come i’m still alive?

do you get the picture?

10 out of 13 cells…

and i’m still kickin and screamin….

nyahahaha.

So, he wants me to ‘borrow’ my slides from my former doctor and have it rechecked somewhere else. The pathologist have a reputation for being wrong. Even my cousin heard of this pathologist. My former doctor, he says, knows this, but since his hands are tied to the hospital… the pathologist is the only pathologist they have?!

My doctor was correct in giving me the medicines… his procedure would be the procedure that this new doctor will give according to him. The only difference they have is that my former doctor didn’t have the heart to tell me pointblank that my condition is dreadful, that it may cause my eventual death. Unlike this new one, who even told me, you cannot get pregnant, because you’re dead. You’ll die ahead of your baby.

Stick to fish and rice, meat will kill you faster.

You don’t have to feel guilty… it wasn’t what you did or ate… it’s like this… your kidneys have an alter ego.. sorta like Jekkyl and Hyde… Now, Mr. Hyde has come out to play.

See how fun the check-up was?

I was glad mom wasn’t inside to hear everything or she might have collapsed right there and then. Some people like it subtle… i like it HOT. hehehe…

==============================

When we went home, tears were welling in her eyes… she made me sit on the LRT… she held me tightly…

She said she wants to cry, and i told her, then do so… isa lang naman masasabi ko dyan eh.. may magagawa ba iyak natin? Gagaan lang ng konti ang pakiramdam, tapos nun, andyan pa rin problema natin…

Sabi ko, buhay pa ko, pinaglalamayan niyo na ko… di ba mas ok yung dialysis, kesa comatose?

Napaiyak siya sa katulong namin, nasigawan niya kasi… sabi daw, naaawa na raw kasi siya sa kin… and who wouldn’t be, if you see me before and now? Now, i can barely walk… my legs are so skinny! The only part of me big now is my face and stomach.

i cried, too, that night… thinking of my children when i die… pano, ang daming mga kwento na bigla na lang nagcollapse at sumuka ng dugo, patay!

ngak… sino na lang kasama nila? sino na lang magaalaga sa kanila? di ko makikita mga apo ko… di ko makikita silang grumaduate… yung mga ganun ba…

but then i stopped na rin… kasi wala naman akong magagawa eh…

sabi ko na lang sa kanila, wag nating problemahin yung sakit… yung kung pano na lang natin gagamutin yung sakit… mahal niyo naman ako di ba? dasal at pera lang katapat nito, kaya natin to… so, dapat magtrabaho kayong maigi… sige, mga alipin!!! magtrabaho kayo!!!

hehehe…

ako ngayon ay parang señorita sa bahay… ako ang reyna… hala, dalhan niyo kong pagkain sa kwarto… joke!

==============================

nagluto kami ni Ronald kagabi kasi nga labinlimang taon na kaming naglolokohan… August 4, 1991 nung sinagot ko siya… hehehe… wala naman mashado eh… sopas lang para sa bata… buto-buto ginisa sa oyster sauce para sa matatanda… steamed fish para sa kin… dito kumain sila Erick…

==============================

Kanina, surprise! Dumating Kuya Rodel ko, asawa niya, at ang makulit kong pamangkin na si Bea… hay nako! Taong-tao na siya… maldita… ang likot… hehehe…. kala ko tatlong taon na eh magdadalawa lang pala ito… dito lang sila naglunch at sandali lang sila kasi baka umulan eh nagcommute lang ang mga ito from their house sa San Mateo. Layo, di ba?

Napa-online tuloy kami sa Papa ko… nagkwentuhan lang naman kami… kaso lang biset tong YM laging sira, ayaw mag-call kaya mega type na naman ako…

==============================

So, wala lang… yun na lang muna… ang mga dasal ko ah… keep it coming… hehehe…

Sa mga nagta-tag at nagko-comment, maraming maraming salamat… nabubuhayan ako sa inyo… nyahaha… ok pa ko… pag bigla akong di nakapagpost ng mga isa o dalawang linggo, yun na yun. Pagkalat niyo na lang na naging mabuti akong tao kahit di niyo ko ganong kilala… **wakokoko**

Wag mag-alala, wala akong balak manakot, mandalaw, manghila ng paa o kadena, umalulong, o mag-pakita sa salamin. Di ko type. Duwag din kasi ako sa ganun. hehe.

i composed a blog post last night but forgot to save it, and now, i dunno if i wanna post it pa.. hm… let’s just start and see..

we decided to get a second opinion from a respected and known doctor that my cousin referred to us at the Manila Doctors Hospital. He is also a consultant in PGH.. the main reason we went there is of monetary value. Since I already ran out of medical insurance and my doctor wanted me confined every other month for medication, we have to do it in a government hospital.

when i saw the doctor, i knew i’m gonna like him, and like him, i did.

He’s no fuss. Patay kung patay. To cut the long story short (because it was tooooo long, with graphs and all…)

Bottom line is, based on the lab tests only, he can buy me 3 to 5 more years without dialysis… but based on the biopsy, he can only buy me 3 months time without dialysis… and why would he make me suffer from taking steroids when he knows that? Steroids have too much side effects, he said.

But he was shocked at this biopsy report, coz according to it, the pathologist saw 13 ‘cells’… 10 are dead… 3 are dying… the question is, how come i’m still alive?

do you get the picture?

10 out of 13 cells…

and i’m still kickin and screamin….

nyahahaha.

So, he wants me to ‘borrow’ my slides from my former doctor and have it rechecked somewhere else. The pathologist have a reputation for being wrong. Even my cousin heard of this pathologist. My former doctor, he says, knows this, but since his hands are tied to the hospital… the pathologist is the only pathologist they have?!

My doctor was correct in giving me the medicines… his procedure would be the procedure that this new doctor will give according to him. The only difference they have is that my former doctor didn’t have the heart to tell me pointblank that my condition is dreadful, that it may cause my eventual death. Unlike this new one, who even told me, you cannot get pregnant, because you’re dead. You’ll die ahead of your baby.

Stick to fish and rice, meat will kill you faster.

You don’t have to feel guilty… it wasn’t what you did or ate… it’s like this… your kidneys have an alter ego.. sorta like Jekkyl and Hyde… Now, Mr. Hyde has come out to play.

See how fun the check-up was?

I was glad mom wasn’t inside to hear everything or she might have collapsed right there and then. Some people like it subtle… i like it HOT. hehehe…

==============================

When we went home, tears were welling in her eyes… she made me sit on the LRT… she held me tightly…

She said she wants to cry, and i told her, then do so… isa lang naman masasabi ko dyan eh.. may magagawa ba iyak natin? Gagaan lang ng konti ang pakiramdam, tapos nun, andyan pa rin problema natin…

Sabi ko, buhay pa ko, pinaglalamayan niyo na ko… di ba mas ok yung dialysis, kesa comatose?

Napaiyak siya sa katulong namin, nasigawan niya kasi… sabi daw, naaawa na raw kasi siya sa kin… and who wouldn’t be, if you see me before and now? Now, i can barely walk… my legs are so skinny! The only part of me big now is my face and stomach.

i cried, too, that night… thinking of my children when i die… pano, ang daming mga kwento na bigla na lang nagcollapse at sumuka ng dugo, patay!

ngak… sino na lang kasama nila? sino na lang magaalaga sa kanila? di ko makikita mga apo ko… di ko makikita silang grumaduate… yung mga ganun ba…

but then i stopped na rin… kasi wala naman akong magagawa eh…

sabi ko na lang sa kanila, wag nating problemahin yung sakit… yung kung pano na lang natin gagamutin yung sakit… mahal niyo naman ako di ba? dasal at pera lang katapat nito, kaya natin to… so, dapat magtrabaho kayong maigi… sige, mga alipin!!! magtrabaho kayo!!!

hehehe…

ako ngayon ay parang señorita sa bahay… ako ang reyna… hala, dalhan niyo kong pagkain sa kwarto… joke!

==============================

nagluto kami ni Ronald kagabi kasi nga labinlimang taon na kaming naglolokohan… August 4, 1991 nung sinagot ko siya… hehehe… wala naman mashado eh… sopas lang para sa bata… buto-buto ginisa sa oyster sauce para sa matatanda… steamed fish para sa kin… dito kumain sila Erick…

==============================

Kanina, surprise! Dumating Kuya Rodel ko, asawa niya, at ang makulit kong pamangkin na si Bea… hay nako! Taong-tao na siya… maldita… ang likot… hehehe…. kala ko tatlong taon na eh magdadalawa lang pala ito… dito lang sila naglunch at sandali lang sila kasi baka umulan eh nagcommute lang ang mga ito from their house sa San Mateo. Layo, di ba?

Napa-online tuloy kami sa Papa ko… nagkwentuhan lang naman kami… kaso lang biset tong YM laging sira, ayaw mag-call kaya mega type na naman ako…

==============================

So, wala lang… yun na lang muna… ang mga dasal ko ah… keep it coming… hehehe…

Sa mga nagta-tag at nagko-comment, maraming maraming salamat… nabubuhayan ako sa inyo… nyahaha… ok pa ko… pag bigla akong di nakapagpost ng mga isa o dalawang linggo, yun na yun. Pagkalat niyo na lang na naging mabuti akong tao kahit di niyo ko ganong kilala… **wakokoko**

Wag mag-alala, wala akong balak manakot, mandalaw, manghila ng paa o kadena, umalulong, o mag-pakita sa salamin. Di ko type. Duwag din kasi ako sa ganun. hehe.

Kahit na masakit katawan ko… kahit na feeling ko hilong-hilo ako… i don’t think i’ll miss an opportunity to meet Bes… i haven’t seen her in ages… asar na asar pa nga ako kasi nga masama pakiramdam ko the day before… pero di ko pa rin pinostpone ang maiksing pagkikita namin…

Nald accompanied me to meet her… hinatid niya ko sa Glorietta at nagkita kami ni Weng sa KFC dun… ang pangit talaga dun sa KFC na yun… parang ang dumi at ang food, di maayos… oh well… nilibre niya kong salad at mashed potato na di ko naman naubos kasi naman ang laki no…

syet, ang payat niya ngayon… kita pa nga tsan… lokaret…

she’s still the same… nagdadalaga pa rin… hehehe…

i can see that she’s a little troubled… but i can also see that she’s happy kahit pano…

alam ko na tuloy ang misteryo na naman na bumabalot sa kanyang katauhan… asus… yun lang pala… kala ko, sobrang malala naman… hehehe… kaya mo yan, Bes... dati na nating kinakaya mga ganyang situations no… mani na yan sa yo… ang importante, there’s love and hope… at a stable job… hehehe… yung anghel, malay mo, dumating din… all in God’s time.. lahat may solusyon… kundi man, may mas better na kapalit…

i really missed you and i regret na di tayo nagkasama ng mas matagal… kahit gustuhin ko man… di bale, marami pang next time… we should do this more often… habang kaya ko pa… sabi ko naman sayo… di natin sure ang future… next time, watch naman tayo ng movie… ako naman manlilibre sa yo…

i liked the way that you didn’t show me pity… and didn’t tell me how ‘bad’ i looked… and you didn’t even give Ronald a piece of your mind… kahit alam kong inis ka sa taong yun… hehehe… thank you for that…

pasensya ka na sa mga bigay ko sayo… ganun lang naman ako pag namimili, tinatago ko lang… di ko kasi nabibigay sayo sa dalang ng pagkikita natin… pero, i’m glad you liked the gift for ‘him’… gamitin mo ha… tapos sabayan ng sayaw… ngahahahaha….

The kids are growing up beautifully, btw… they’re lucky to have you as their mom and of course, your parents as well… kamukha mo grabe si Dani…

tell the kids next time na yung para sa kanila… kelangan sigurong makita ko sila sa personal no, para matantsa ko yung sukat… pinamigay ko na nga agad yung damit na para kay Dani kanina.. wala na kasing silbi.. hahaha.. ang liit kaya… yung kay Tony nga pala, kasya pa… thank you daw… thank you na rin from Anea and Dale… at salamat sa sulatan… bagay talaga sa kin ah… para malagay ko mga gumugulo sa utak ko? hehehe…

di bale, pag nagbertday ang isa sa mga anak ko na may handa, iinform kita ahead of time para makapunta naman kayo… makilala naman ni Anea yung dalawa…

p.s.
o di ba, at long last may new pictures na tayo together, kahit tatatlo… syet kasi nakakahiyang magpopopose dun no… sa susunod nga pala, sama mo ha… para ma-meet ko…

======================

Nald and I talked in the car after we dropped Weng off sa office.. He told me of his plans to go abroad na next year… di kasi pwedeng biglaan at may carloan pa siya… i’m all for it… this is the right time for him to go, lalo na ganito ang condition ko… wala kaming pagkukuhanang extra income. Sabi niya baka sa Ireland, may opening daw ang McDonald’s.

Gagawin na raw namin resume niya… at long last, eto na ata talaga yung realization na hinihintay ko from him…

Ang dami niyang nasabing plano, pati what to do with the money that he will earn.. it’s good to know that he’s gonna entrust it to me… sabi ko naman, dapat kung ano lang kelangan dito at yung pango-open namin ng food business… the rest gusto ko, itago niya kung nasan man siya at malamang mas malaki interest nun pag andun… takot din kasi akong humawak ng pera…

If i’m gonna look into the future and daydream about it, sana maging tuloy-tuloy na… ang daming missed opportunities… especially for Dale… therapies and other intervention that we could’ve given him if only we had the money.

I am daydreaming of getting our own house and a family car… with all the necessities there… living comfortably… giving the kids’ quality education… being at home and serving them… tending to the business from time to time… gardening, reading a book… getting better…

Small lang ang dreams ko… di ko kelangan ng fine jewelry, or humiga sa pera… di lang kami magutom, wala lang kaming utang, makabayad lang sa bills, di lang magkasakit o malagay sa disgrasya ang pamilya… at makakuha ng konting luxuries sa buhay… enough na yun for me…

I am praying for my dreams to come true in God’s time… i know, lahat ng ito, pagsubok lang na lilipas din… minsan lang si Lord, mejo nati-trigger-happy at nasosobrahan ang pagsubok namin… hahaha… pero, nakikita ko ang mga positive effects nito sa pamilya namin… nagiging mas malapit kami sa isa’t isa… mas nagtutulungan… mas nagkakaintindihan… mas nagiging madasalin… kaya kahit si Lord eh natutuwa sa pagbibigay sa min ng pagsubok, alam kong natutuwa din siya na may nangyayaring maganda…

Kaya kahit ganito, Lord, thank you pa rin… hinay-hinay lang ha. **wakokoko**

Kahit na masakit katawan ko… kahit na feeling ko hilong-hilo ako… i don’t think i’ll miss an opportunity to meet Bes… i haven’t seen her in ages… asar na asar pa nga ako kasi nga masama pakiramdam ko the day before… pero di ko pa rin pinostpone ang maiksing pagkikita namin…

Nald accompanied me to meet her… hinatid niya ko sa Glorietta at nagkita kami ni Weng sa KFC dun… ang pangit talaga dun sa KFC na yun… parang ang dumi at ang food, di maayos… oh well… nilibre niya kong salad at mashed potato na di ko naman naubos kasi naman ang laki no…

syet, ang payat niya ngayon… kita pa nga tsan… lokaret…

she’s still the same… nagdadalaga pa rin… hehehe…

i can see that she’s a little troubled… but i can also see that she’s happy kahit pano…

alam ko na tuloy ang misteryo na naman na bumabalot sa kanyang katauhan… asus… yun lang pala… kala ko, sobrang malala naman… hehehe… kaya mo yan, Bes... dati na nating kinakaya mga ganyang situations no… mani na yan sa yo… ang importante, there’s love and hope… at a stable job… hehehe… yung anghel, malay mo, dumating din… all in God’s time.. lahat may solusyon… kundi man, may mas better na kapalit…

i really missed you and i regret na di tayo nagkasama ng mas matagal… kahit gustuhin ko man… di bale, marami pang next time… we should do this more often… habang kaya ko pa… sabi ko naman sayo… di natin sure ang future… next time, watch naman tayo ng movie… ako naman manlilibre sa yo…

i liked the way that you didn’t show me pity… and didn’t tell me how ‘bad’ i looked… and you didn’t even give Ronald a piece of your mind… kahit alam kong inis ka sa taong yun… hehehe… thank you for that…

pasensya ka na sa mga bigay ko sayo… ganun lang naman ako pag namimili, tinatago ko lang… di ko kasi nabibigay sayo sa dalang ng pagkikita natin… pero, i’m glad you liked the gift for ‘him’… gamitin mo ha… tapos sabayan ng sayaw… ngahahahaha….

The kids are growing up beautifully, btw… they’re lucky to have you as their mom and of course, your parents as well… kamukha mo grabe si Dani…

tell the kids next time na yung para sa kanila… kelangan sigurong makita ko sila sa personal no, para matantsa ko yung sukat… pinamigay ko na nga agad yung damit na para kay Dani kanina.. wala na kasing silbi.. hahaha.. ang liit kaya… yung kay Tony nga pala, kasya pa… thank you daw… thank you na rin from Anea and Dale… at salamat sa sulatan… bagay talaga sa kin ah… para malagay ko mga gumugulo sa utak ko? hehehe…

di bale, pag nagbertday ang isa sa mga anak ko na may handa, iinform kita ahead of time para makapunta naman kayo… makilala naman ni Anea yung dalawa…

p.s.
o di ba, at long last may new pictures na tayo together, kahit tatatlo… syet kasi nakakahiyang magpopopose dun no… sa susunod nga pala, sama mo ha… para ma-meet ko…

======================

Nald and I talked in the car after we dropped Weng off sa office.. He told me of his plans to go abroad na next year… di kasi pwedeng biglaan at may carloan pa siya… i’m all for it… this is the right time for him to go, lalo na ganito ang condition ko… wala kaming pagkukuhanang extra income. Sabi niya baka sa Ireland, may opening daw ang McDonald’s.

Gagawin na raw namin resume niya… at long last, eto na ata talaga yung realization na hinihintay ko from him…

Ang dami niyang nasabing plano, pati what to do with the money that he will earn.. it’s good to know that he’s gonna entrust it to me… sabi ko naman, dapat kung ano lang kelangan dito at yung pango-open namin ng food business… the rest gusto ko, itago niya kung nasan man siya at malamang mas malaki interest nun pag andun… takot din kasi akong humawak ng pera…

If i’m gonna look into the future and daydream about it, sana maging tuloy-tuloy na… ang daming missed opportunities… especially for Dale… therapies and other intervention that we could’ve given him if only we had the money.

I am daydreaming of getting our own house and a family car… with all the necessities there… living comfortably… giving the kids’ quality education… being at home and serving them… tending to the business from time to time… gardening, reading a book… getting better…

Small lang ang dreams ko… di ko kelangan ng fine jewelry, or humiga sa pera… di lang kami magutom, wala lang kaming utang, makabayad lang sa bills, di lang magkasakit o malagay sa disgrasya ang pamilya… at makakuha ng konting luxuries sa buhay… enough na yun for me…

I am praying for my dreams to come true in God’s time… i know, lahat ng ito, pagsubok lang na lilipas din… minsan lang si Lord, mejo nati-trigger-happy at nasosobrahan ang pagsubok namin… hahaha… pero, nakikita ko ang mga positive effects nito sa pamilya namin… nagiging mas malapit kami sa isa’t isa… mas nagtutulungan… mas nagkakaintindihan… mas nagiging madasalin… kaya kahit si Lord eh natutuwa sa pagbibigay sa min ng pagsubok, alam kong natutuwa din siya na may nangyayaring maganda…

Kaya kahit ganito, Lord, thank you pa rin… hinay-hinay lang ha. **wakokoko**